The Best Part of this Season

Hello folks. Have you been wondering how I am? Thank you.

I’ve been doing great, still slightly off normalcy with some bottled up craziness, but when does that ever change anyway? A straight jacket is still often nearby if necessary.

As you all know, this season is not something I welcomed immediately with open arms. As for everyone who ever really valued relationships and have loved deeply, you’d understand how hard it is a transition to move to singlehood. The walk into the woods a.k.a healing season has to come first before frolicking through the meadow, running into the sun with open arms ready for a big embrace.

A few months ago, conversations with different people went like this:

“Mag-boyfriend ka na!”

“Uhm, I’m not ready.”

“You’re not getting any younger.”

“Uhm, I know but I’m not ready for that yet. And I’m not really thinking about it.”

“What are you waiting for? Don’t tell me you’re still in the ‘healing season,’ tagal na ah.”

“Yes I think I still am. Nagmamadali?” I almost laughed but bit my tongue, apparently the conversation was serious.

An hour later, a series of prodding somehow found its way to me again.

“Ang hina naman ng pala ko. Mag-boyfriend ka na.”

“I am not ready.” (in PGMA’s “I am sorry” tone)

“You should really think about having a boyfriend. You have to be more open.”

“I will be open. Just not now.” (in almost getting annoyed tone)

In another conversation:

“You don’t have a boyfriend yet?”

“I just ended a 6-year relationship and am not really looking at jumping at another one.”

“How long ago was that?”

“8-9 months ago I think?”

“That’s a long time! You can already date! 3-month rule right?”

I’ve heard at least a dozen quip that line to me these past months. Please tell me who invented that 3 month rule? Ang sarap sapakin sa tiyan, pwede bang sikmuraan? (Sorry, I was so excited to use that phrase upon hearing a colleague use it last week and I laughed out loud reading her text describing her annoyance at someone. It cracked me up.) Don’t worry, I’m not that violent unless you eat from my plate or finish all the Bleu Cheese sauce. Besides, there’s no chance I’d get close enough to John Lloyd to land a serious blow to his appendix. Apparently, he’s the culprit. Oh well, maybe somewhere someday I’d have One More Chance to do just that.

Contrary to what Dr. Love JLC prescribed, the 3-month cure period does not necessarily apply to everyone. I think the deeper you have loved, the longer the cure period is. And no one should make you feel that you should rush your healing season.

In another conversation:

“Uy, ___ has a _____ na.”

“Uhm, ok.”

“How come you don’t have one yet?”

I laugh, “Walang nagkakamaling manligaw.” My answer to lighten the conversation with hopes of abruptly and awkwardly ending it there.

“Woooshoooo. Ikaw pa. Walang nanliligaw?”

“Wala and I’m not ready for one. Okay, moving on.”

I had another conversation similar to that that was a bit relentless. I had to reply, “Wow, I didn’t know there was a race.”

Ladies, there is no race. You don’t need to rush into another relationship only because people pressure you to or because you feel there’s a chase against time (if you feel old already) or a race against a former partner finding a new one first. If you make it a point to make the race real, you are already defeated even before you started to run.

Don’t worry, I get you. It is never easy, especially at the start. We feel all sorts of emotions and we just want to hurl ourselves out of that pit. I’ve been there. I am blessed that I didn’t let go of God’s hand during that walk in the woods. All the strength I had and presence of mind were from Him. Thank You Lord!

It is certainly better to be in an unmarried bliss than in a miserable marriage. Why rush into the wrong one? Why rush? Blessed-singleness whether momentary, long term or forever, is in fact a very beautiful journey. I’ve been enjoying my relationship with God since His revelation in my life in January 2012… but no other season can compare to this year where God has revealed so much more in my life. He’s been dating me and I’ve been dating Him. I’ve come to know Him better, His character and His depth of love like never before. And absolutely no one has given me MORE JOY THAN HIM.

I am thankful to God that He has eased the loneliness. I don’t feel alone. I admit there are still moments where I feel lonely, I guess I attribute that to human frailties but by and large, I am very happy and rarely feeling lonely. But certainly, I do not feel alone. God is my ultimate companion in everything happening in my life right now.

In the woods, I was thinking of myself initially as a failure – to have two consecutive 6-year relationships disintegrate… albeit there are valid reasons for it, it makes me think there must be something wrong with me. My parents have practiced accountability and responsibility early on in my life, partly being the eldest the shoes fit naturally. If I wanted wins in my life, I claim it being goal-oriented and taking measurable steps but I am hard on myself for non-victories as well, so more than anything, I have put the blame heavily on myself for broken relationships.

Out of the woods, God has shown me better understanding of what those relationships meant to me. Now, I am better appreciating myself for having maintained two 6-year strong relationships in my life. I see 1-year or 2-year relationships of people collapse easily and it makes me more introspective –wondering how in the world anyone could have put up 6 years with me. *insert huge laughter here* Trust me, it couldn’t have been anywhere easy. My adventurous and achiever personality means I am half-crazy and I am half handful –that’s as far as my multi-facet goes. I appreciate them for having to put up with every piece of me.

For whatever weaknesses and flaws the relationships had, I am truly thankful to God for gifting me with those two beautiful long-term relationships. There are so many beautiful learnings and far more and many beautiful memories and moments to take away from those. I know both have made me closer to God (pano, kailangan ko magdasal ng matindi haha –just kidding). And both I still hold with high regard and respect.

What worked well to have meaningful long relationships is a strong foundation of friendship. That sounds cliché but it’s really true. It is solid friendship and a deep connection that will tide you over when all the spark and flares sputter. And friendships are not built over night. Friendships mature and strengthen. Like wine, it ages beautifully if stored and valued properly. Friendships allow you to see the best and the worst in people and just love them the same. Friendships teach you to take the good with the bad. Friendships mean being able to speak in truth and encourage one another. Friendships know the right timing on when to be gentle and when to be assertive but it’s never abusive. Friendships are strong support system that is there for you whether convenient or inconvenient. There are so many beautiful aspects of friendship and it’s a lot like family, just not blood-related. Friendship is a lot like love. That’s why I call all my friends, love.

That’s why I don’t get being rushed into anything. Building friendship takes time. Getting to know someone takes time. And someone’s personality only really comes out when there’s adversity. True character only shines during a struggle or difficulty –how does he respond? Does he respond with integrity?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single or waiting a while. The gifts of the Holy Spirit are different for the singles and those attached. The marvel of being single is you can serve God fully while you are waiting. There is no better time to do just that.

I may be very unpredictable most of the time especially when my mind is looking for an escape but I’m very traditional when it comes to love. I may be impatient with meeting schedules and want things rapid and fast since life is short (that’s why I dislike traffic a lot) but when it comes to that, it’s something I never rushed.

“We’re just ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow.”

I read somewhere that when you honor God with your life and have a spirit of excellence, you don’t compromise. You make the right decisions. You don’t make the right decisions by not thinking things through.

When and if I open myself up to that next season in my life, I know there are many wonderful things to come.

The good part of a NEW season is the falling in love stage. Your first trip together, first movie together… every activity will feel new with that new person, even if you’ve done it on your own dozen times before. There will simply be heightened joy. Out of the most outrageously simple things, you’ll find happiness. You’re excited to buy that first gift. You can’t wait to be a hero and do something that’s inconvenient just for him. You can’t wait to surprise him. And get to know every single thing about him. That first brush of the elbows, the grace of the hand. Your heart just flutters and you can’t get enough of each other. You’ll miss the other person immediately. You can’t wait to take him to your most favorite places. Feed him your most favorite food/s. You feel kilig. You feel happy. You feel attended to. You can’t wait to capture all these great memories together. But at the end of the day, those are just good parts.

The BEST PART though is not in the firsts. The BEST PART happens 5 years after, 10 years after, 15 years after, 18 years after, 30 years after… and you still find yourself beside that one person who loves and respects you through and through. That you don’t have a single ounce of doubt because both of you are moving in FAITH. You wake up to probably an angelic idiotic face sleeping next to you with a gaping mouth and the worst case of bad morning breath and feel that you’re at the right place in the world and there is no other place you would rather be. No, not even waking up to Hugh Jackman’s face could be better. Or waking up to a million dollars in front of you. Or a display case of trophies and awards. The BEST PART is after many years of victories or struggles or life moments, I am still beside that one person who passionately loves me… who sings worship and praises to God with a heart that is as GRATEFUL to GOD as mine. To have someone who shares the same faith and core values you have. To have someone be a testimony and LIFE WITNESS of God’s LOVE and BLESSINGS to you. To become together a testimony of God’s love in a marriage. To become together a testimony of God’s love in a family. To be a testimony of God’s love for others.

I think Tim Keller best encapsulates it.

“When over the years, someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience.

To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.

It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

I am thankful to God that the relationships I’ve had in my life have been long-lasting and have been essentially good… if not, great. And I know it just gets better.

When you are in faith, you don’t move in fear. “God has perfect timing, never early, never late. It takes a little patience and a whole lot of faith… but it’s all worth the wait.”

I always pray to God that He guards my heart –to take out whatever is vulnerable and replace it with courage. I am not strong all the time. But being alone teaches me how to lean on Him and how to keep surrendering parts I might have overlooked to surrender. Like pride.

During this singlehood, I am learning a whole lot more about myself which I thought I already knew, about God’s presence in my singleness, and a deeper grasp of what it really means to be of faith, humility and love.

The BEST PART of this season I’m currently in is the fact that I know who I have a strong and deepening relationship with and that’s God. I am only focusing on giving my attention, dedication and love to that relationship for now. Nothing else.

I may not have anyone in my life at this time. FAITH is what I have. And faith for me right now is enough. God’s grace makes it enough. Sometimes it feels so overflowing. Overflowing that even if I may be alone, I don’t feel lacking. God’s grace. Thank You Jesus.